20 Positive Life Lessons I’ve Learned Because Of, And Since, 9/11
Time is precious and finite for all of us.
It’s hard to believe it’s been twenty years since everything changed on what was a sunny, beautiful day in New York City. I can vividly remember the fear and trauma of that day, when I didn’t know if family members, friends, and co-workers were still alive or what might happen next. I later found out that the building 60 feet from the World Trade Center, where I’d been scheduled to work an early evening shift, had been destroyed, but that thankfully everyone I worked with had survived. I learned that my family members who worked near the attacks had survived, but that a friend with whom I’d been in the art club in high school had tragically lost her life. The memories are indelible, seared into my psyche.
Today, as a way to lovingly honor the memory of those who were lost, I want to focus on 20 positive life lessons that I have learned because of, and since, the September 11, 2001 terror attacks. A lot of the positive concepts and ideas I have learned from that day align with the deep understanding that time is precious and finite for all of us. This list may or may not work for you. It is not intended to be overly didactic. It simply reflects positive life lessons I have gleaned because of and since 9/11. Here is my list:
1. BE KIND, PATIENT, AND UNDERSTANDING TO OTHERS.
Before September 11, I had a sense that life could be short, but that day made me truly understand that each day could be someone’s last. For 24 hours after the World Trade Center attacks, I didn’t know if the people I worked with were alive or not. Once you deeply understand that each time you see anyone could be the last time you see them, it changes how you want to treat them, no matter how they might be acting. Everyone deserves kindness and empathy.
2. BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
Sometimes we say critical things to ourselves that we’d never think of saying to anyone we know. Be as kind, patient, and understanding to yourself as you would be to others.
3. DON’T BE AFRAID AND DON’T WAIT.
Don’t be afraid to pursue your dreams. Define your vision for your life and go for it. Don’t wait to take action, whether it’s adopting the cute stray cat behind your building, taking a class about something you’re excited about, or pursuing a dream career or goal. That said, be patient with yourself in pursuits and give yourself time to achieve dreams. Don’t be so afraid that you shoot down trying things that might lead to great joy.
4. BE READY.
Take steps toward preparedness. Plan for the possibility of emergency or disaster situations. Being pragmatic and having plans and supplies in place will only serve to ease worries.
5. MAKE DECISIONS WITH LOVE.
When dealing with small and large decisions, ask yourself what the most loving path might be, based on love for others and for yourself.
6. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS.
Sometimes being honest with ourselves is the hardest thing to do. Self-accountability is hard, but makes a difference in a positive way. It can be good to pause and say, hey, I have been eating too much ice cream and should cut back because all of my clothes are now too tight (or whatever it is you are not being honest with yourself about). Being dishonest to others opens a can of snakes that will be impossible to wrangle — it’s not worth it and it’s too complicated to get into a pattern of dishonesty to oneself and others. Don’t feel like you should lie to others when you feel bad, are tired, disagree, or need something. If you aren’t being yourself to others, how can you possibly build healthy relationships with them?
7. LOSS IS A PART OF LIFE.
There are healthy and unhealthy ways to face loss and grieve. Choose acceptance, love, and kindness. Everyone will experience loss. Grief counseling, focusing on good memories, and doing positive, healing, proactive activities can be helpful in facing loss. Deep depression can be helped, so don’t be afraid to seek help. Sometimes one has to go through a long period of heartbreak and despair when facing great loss. Sadness may always be there, but the sharp knife-like stab of pain and grief will subside with time. When in the throes of great loss, remember that there will be better and totally different days ahead, and hang in there.
8. LIFE IS NOT FAIR.
When I was a small child, my father would regularly tell me that life is not fair. This has proven to be true time and time again. What matters when dealt a bad hand of cards is how resilient we are and how we decide to react.
9. DON’T WAIT TO DEAL WITH TRAUMA.
If you shelve a traumatic experience, it will remain on the shelf, potentially coming back to hurt or harm at any moment, possibly at the worst moment. It is best to deal with traumatic experiences in an active and straightforward way. Seek counseling or professional help if needed. Take the time to write in a journal or otherwise work through complex thoughts and feelings. Working through trauma is empowering — it only makes us stronger and more understanding.
10. FIND HAPPINESS IN EACH DAY.
My mom always tells me that there is always something good about each day, even on the worst days. She is right. I can easily picture how beautiful it was in New York City on September 11, 2001 — the sky was clear and blue, and the sunshine was the golden light of late summer/early autumn. I can still see that there was something beautiful on that heartbreaking and frightening day. Sometimes it’s just a matter of making an effort to look for what is good to see it.
11. DON’T BE SUPERFICIAL OR JEALOUS.
Life is precious and short. It’s worth it to take some time for self-assessment and look at the values you hold toward yourself and others. Are you focused on the latest fashion trends, status symbols, greed, the unrealistic values pushed by advertising and luxury consumerism, your own ego trip, or other superficial attitudes? It’s worth it to take the time to figure out where deeper values reside for you, in substantial and meaningful ways.
Jealousy is a waste of energy and time. Comparing oneself to others is a fruitless endeavor, because we are all different and dealing with different personal circumstances. Someone else’s life might appear to be a certain way, but it’s possible that behind the scenes things are very different from how they appear. It’s easy to genuinely be happy for the successes of others when one considers that the human circumstance includes fragility and loss for everyone. Any day that is good for someone is a good day for everyone.
12. BE A STUDENT OF NEWS AND INFORMATION.
Expand your knowledge about the world and other people. Understand who owns news and media conglomerates, and what those companies might be motivated by or promoting. Draw from a diverse variety of sources from around the world. Taking time to learn more about the broader world and its people will deepen your ability to contemplate global events, and amplify your capacity for empathy toward others.
13. BE CONSCIOUS OF GOOD INPUT IN YOUR LIFE.
Positive and happy input recharges our batteries. Reading great books, watching funny movies, listening to beautiful music, taking time for good conversations and fun activities with others, playing with pets, visiting museums, or appreciating the beauty of nature are all examples of good input. Without good input, how could anyone be able to have good output?
14. SOME PEOPLE ARE FORCES OF NEGATIVITY — AVOID THEM.
(You can do this in a polite way.) Life is too short to remain in harmful or toxic relationships. It’s best to quickly shut down bullies, narcissists, gaslighters, and egomaniacs by getting away from them. It’s important to be kind and understanding, but if someone in your life is persistently negative or abusive toward you, it is best to waste no time remaining in that situation.
15. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Are you doing things that harm you? Stop. If you need professional help to stop, then seek it. There are many ways to take good care of oneself, and it’s worth the efforts, from getting enough sleep to having good nutrition, to doing regular medical testing and exercising. There is a wealth of information available on how to take good care of yourself. Making efforts to be as healthy as possible help us to feel happy, too.
16. LIVE LIFE ON YOUR OWN TIMELINE.
In our rushed, aspirational, expensive, productivity-driven world, it can be hard to take the time you need, whatever it is for — to grieve, to heal, to rest, to carefully and thoughtfully make a painting, to develop strong relationships, or to make big decisions like where to live or whom to marry. We live in a world that wants things done yesterday. Taking time for oneself is a way of standing up for oneself and one’s needs.
17. DON’T FORGET TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
On September 12, after my state of total shock subsided and I could think straight, I realized that I should probably try to buy some food, since access in and out of Manhattan seemed to be closed. I went to my neighborhood grocery store, and the shelves were stripped, except for Lactaid milk and cinnamon bread. So, I bought those. I remember being alone in my tiny studio apartment the week after 9/11, eating cinnamon bread while drinking the lactose-free milk. To this day, this makes me giggle. Even in the worst circumstances, there is typically something funny to think about or remember.
18. CELEBRATE THOSE YOU LOVE.
You don’t have to throw an expensive party for your loved ones. Build deeper relationships through conversations and experiences. Tell others what you appreciate about them. Don’t be afraid to say, “I love you,” or to otherwise show love to others.
19. DON’T DWELL ON THINGS YOU CAN’T CHANGE.
It helps to focus on what you can control, even in small ways. I’ve found this to be helpful during our current pandemic. For example, during pandemic surges here in New York City, I had no control over what was happening outside, but I could put my mind on something small and mundane like organizing a kitchen drawer or drawing in my sketchbook. These small things helped a lot. Mind control matters.
20. ENJOY LIFE.
This relates to many of the above 19 points here, and it’s a big one. After all, Ferris Bueller did say, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
